apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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