remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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