What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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