We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
