he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FUCK WHALES
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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