Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
