if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Small penises have feelings too.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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