Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
