bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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