If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
