Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
