Your face is a jimmy john
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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