I bet he comes in French.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's blow job season.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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