You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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