There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
