Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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