I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
