Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
