It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You are a genius and a whore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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