she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
