This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
