Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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