Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
