that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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