i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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