So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
