ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
