Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
