let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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