You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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