So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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