Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
