Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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