is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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