Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
