You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
