some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
