Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
