Your face is a jimmy john
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
