She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
