I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
