And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
