party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
