A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're like the curious george of whores
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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