Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
