allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
