every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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