i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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