Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
