I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
