he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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