I hate all girls vehemently.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
