Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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