I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
