You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
